Derek and Ruth’s story

Ruth Thorn has been living with Vascular Dementia for the last seven years.

While she was able to spend a lot of this time at home, the transition to Dementia Care unit at Summerset Richmond Ranges has been tough on her husband, Derek.

The Nelson-based couple moved to the region more than two decades ago when Derek’s health began to decline. Before that, Ruth had a prominent role at Auckland City Council and Museum of Transport and Technology Auckland (MOTAT).

The move meant the couple would be near their whānau – which was a big change in itself.

At the beginning, Ruth was her usual busy self – filling her time with activities like volunteering for The Salvation Army – before things started to change. Her interest in her favourite pasttimes, like arts and crafts and reading books, began to lessen.

“She loved making something from nothing – she used to spend hours in her craft room. Suddenly, she wasn’t doing so much of that,” says Derek.

Since the couple were spending a lot of time together, it was their whānau who first started to notice changes.

Derek says they would be out for a meal and someone would tell Ruth ‘you’ve already said that’. She’d also be a bit quieter than normal, and then think everybody had spent the meal talking about her.

Ruth was eventually diagnosed with Vascular Dementia by her doctor. She stopped driving and started spending more and more time at home.

Ruth and Derek reached out to Alzheimers Nelson/Tasman, and have been grateful for the support they received from Manager Heather Lackner and team.

Derek volunteered as Board member for the organisation for four years.

“I don’t think many of us know at the beginning, where to go or what to do – they help in that respect. From there, we got the information, help and support from different groups,” says Derek.

After 42 years together, the couple needed more support and moved into a Summerset Richmond Ranges Villa.

“It was pretty tough going – it was stressful more than anything,” says Derek.

Ruth was transferred to the Memory Care unit six months later – three days before Christmas in 2022

“That was the hardest. Her going there and not coming back in the afternoon – that was pretty tough, but it had to happen,” says Derek.

“It’s certainly been a long journey in that respect. We got to the stage that something had to happen. It’s a story – it’s not a happy story. It’s a sad story. I make the most of it. As long as she’s happy – that’s the main thing.

“It is lonely – especially at night time – that’s when it reminds you where your loved ones are.”

After being approached by Heather, Derek has started an informal coffee group at nearby cafes for men who’s partners have been diagnosed with dementia mate wareware and are now in care. This complements the services Alzheimers Nelson/Tasman offers.

Some of then men have struggled with the tranisition to living alone, so the group is a way for them to support each other with the changes through a good chat and some laughs.

“It’s a way to help all of us be together in a group where all of us understand what we’re going through.”

Derek says it’s been particularly tough trying to talk to friends and whānau about Ruth’s diagnosis but he does his best to educate people about the condition.

The whānau recently celebrated Ruth’s birthday and Derek was pleased to see how happy she was.

“She still knows who I am – not her family or anyone new. But she loves everyone – she just has something about her,” says Derek.

“The problems and challenges Alzheimers has – it’s not an easy journey. I admire everyone who works in that area.”

He says this photo of Ruth (above) epitomizes the laughter and fun that can occur with people living with dementia mate wareware.

If you or somebody you know needs more support, please reach out to your local Alzheimers or Dementia organisation.