Sanesh’s story

As an only child, Sanesh has always been incredibly close to his parents. His mother, Amrita worked as a music specialist took the family to the Middle East, and then to China.

It was an amazing upbringing, surrounded by global experiences, and forever, unconditional love.

Amrita has five music degrees, taught at primary and intermediate schools in Auckland and lectured at Auckland University before their travels. An incredibly talented woman, she taught piano to the royal family in Qatar.

Sanesh knows his mother as a sweet, warm person. She loved teaching and had a soft spot for children who were not so well behaved. She used music to connect with them and became a beloved teacher who thrived in her job.

In the mid-2010’s Sanesh’s parents were still living in China, with Sanesh back in Auckland attending University. Over time, he and his father had noticed things changing with his mother. Small things, like her using a metal spoon on a nonstick pan or being too nervous to take a taxi by herself. These might seem very small, but to Sanesh and his father, it was a shocking change in her behaviour.

This, along with many other small signs prompted Amrita to seek help. In 2015, at the age of just 55, she was diagnosed with young onset Alzheimer’s disease.

It was an easy decision for Sanesh to move back in with his parents in Auckland to help care for his mum. Sanesh describes his father as the family rock, and together the three of them have supported each other, and raised each other up in the tough times.

Over time, Amrita deteriorated from being able to stay at home by herself, to being unable to cook, get dressed and be on her own.

As with so many people, Covid stopped all Amrita’s social activities, walking groups, dancing groups, and playing the piano at the Salvation Army. This resulted in a rapid decline and Amrita had to be moved into a dementia unit in the middle of lockdown.

Covid wrenched so many families apart, and it was no different for Sanesh’s family. Due to Covid, they couldn’t go into the home and settle her in, or visit. They had to rely on zoom calls which was challenging for the whole family. Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia are challenging on so many levels, yet there is still so much love and warmth that flows through families.

Amrita is in the late stages of Alzheimer’s now. She still gets comfort in seeing her husband and son. Sanesh’s father found some of her old recordings and they play them for her when they visit, and sometimes she is able to hum along.

Sanesh reflects that some of the behaviours that may seem strange need to be taken with a grain of salt, as they are often just an aspect of dementia rather than the person themselves. However, we must also remember that the person with dementia can still be there hiding underneath, and at times they can pop out, in the form of a hug, a smile or a laugh.

This festive season, please support Alzheimers NZ so we can continue to provide care and support to all families living with dementia mate wareware.